Why Dogs Stare at Hoomans in the Bathroom (It’s Not What You Think!)

Why Your Dog Won’t Let You Tinkle in Peace – A Tail of Loyalty, Not Weirdness

Alright, hoomans, we need to talk. You’ve been giving me weird looks every time I follow you into the bathroom. I’ve seen the memes. I’ve heard the awkward conversations. And some of you even close the door on me—rude. So it’s time I barked the truth: I’m not creeping. I’m not judging. I’m doing what any loyal pupper would do... guarding the pack while you’re in your most vulnerable squat mode.

The Bathroom = Danger Zone (According to My Doggy Brain)

Let me paint you a picture from my point of view. You disappear into a tiny room. Lock the door. Sit down. Mysterious splashing sounds follow. And you’re trapped. No escape hatch in sight. That’s DEFCON 1 levels of suspicious. My instincts can’t just ignore that—you might be under attack by a rogue toilet snake! Or worse… the vacuum might be lurking nearby. I can’t take that risk.

We doggos are hardwired for loyalty and protection. You’re my hooman. My pack. If you’re cornered in a ceramic cave, I’m standing by in case the bathtub lunges at you. Unlikely? I’ll take those odds. Better barking safe than sorry.

“Private Time” Is a Hooman Thing. We Don’t Get It.

You lot are so obsessed with this concept called “privacy.” News flash: dogs don’t care. We sniff each other’s butts in public. Personal space just means “someone else’s bed I haven’t claimed yet.” If I trust you enough to sit on your feet while you read, I definitely trust you enough to be near you when you’re… relieving yourself.

And let's not forget—all those times you bring me to the vet and let a stranger poke me in places I’d rather not mention. Now you want “alone time”? Nuh-uh. Fair is fair, hooman.

The Pack Never Splits (Even for a Wee)

Here’s the thing: dogs are pack animals. And we don’t like it when part of the pack wanders off. Especially if it’s the part that knows where the treats are. When you vanish into that little room, we assume the worst. Did you go to Narnia? Are you in a treat dimension without me? I can’t even ask—so of course I’m going to sit there staring like a confused potato. That’s love.

“You say it's 'just the bathroom.' I say it's my post as your loyal protective pooch.” – Thor 🐾

Yes, I Watch. No, It’s Not Weird (For Me)

Look, I get it. You’re doing your business and I’m giving you some intense eye contact like I'm analysing stock prices. Trust me, it’s not that deep. I’m just making sure the coast is clear. Bark once if you need backup. Bark twice if you've dropped something strange (and possibly edible).

And if your dog stares at you, it’s not about being nosy or weird. It’s just canine curiosity blended with fierce loyalty. Wouldn’t you watch over your packmate too if you thought they were wrestling with a porcelain monster?

Need Some Privacy? Give Me Something Better

If you seriously want to go to the toilet without me standing guard, there’s only one solution: trade me a high-value treat. I’ll consider watching the door from a respectful distance. No guarantees though. Unless you’ve got a pig's ear. Ooh, or chicken jerky. Or that bacon thing I’m not meant to have but you sometimes drop anyway. I have standards.

So, the Next Time I Stare at You Mid-Toilet…

Don’t overthink it. I’m not judging your squat style or bathroom book choice. I’m protecting you. Supporting you. Staring blankly into your soul, yes—but with love. Mostly.

From my perspective, I’m doing the most important job a pup can do: guarding my best friend during one of their most vulnerable moments. If that’s not loyalty, hooman, I don’t know what is.

Tail wags and bathroom door sniff checks,

Thor 🐾