The Secret Life of Dog Treats: Are Hooman Low-Cal Unworthy Snacks?

Are Hooman Snacks Really Worth the Calories? A Dog’s Take on Treats

Picture this: I'm sprawled out on the carpet, mid-afternoon nap in full swing, dreaming of chicken-flavoured bliss, when I hear the crinkle of a snack wrapper. My ears perk up. My nose twitches. The air smells… underwhelming. Oh no, it’s one of those “low-calorie” hooman snacks. You know the kind—cardboard-looking crackers, dry as a bone, with barely a whiff of anything tasty. It’s snack heresy, I bark! Is this really what you hoomans think of as a treat?

What Even Is a Treat?

Now, let me set the record straight. A treat, in my humble (but extremely wise) doggy opinion, is supposed to be a one-way ticket to Flavour Town. It’s a moment of pure joy wrapped up in a crunchy or chewy package. You don’t eat treats because you have to; you eat them because you want to. They’re a celebration, not a chore.

But lately, I've noticed a disturbing trend among you hoomans. You’ve taken the sacred art of snacking and turned it into some sort of low-calorie competition. “Oh, this rice cake only has 35 calories!” you exclaim, as if that’s a good thing. Hoomans, listen to your local Rottweiler: if you’re not drooling after the first sniff, is it even worth it?

The Doggy Kingdom of Supreme Snacks

Let me take you into my world—the world of real treats. When the treat jar opens, time stops. The possibilities are endless. Will it be a liver bite this time? A peanut butter biscuit? Maybe even a jerky strip! Every option is glorious, bursting with flavours that make my tail wag like it’s auditioning for a wind turbine gig.

Sure, I hear you hoomans say things like, “Thor, you can’t eat too many treats, or you’ll get chunky!” Fine. That’s fair enough. But let me tell you this: when dogs snack, we go big or go home. We pick treats that excite us, that make life a little brighter—even if it’s just for those five seconds before we crunch them down. Isn’t that the whole point?

Why Do You Hoomans Torture Yourselves?

Here’s what baffles me. You’ve got perfectly good snacks available—chips that are salty and delicious, cookies that crumble into sugary happiness, ice cream that’s basically joy in a tub—but instead, you opt for kale chips? Kale chips? Why? Who hurt you?

I recently overheard my hooman saying, “I can't eat that cake; it’s too many calories.” Too many calories? That didn’t seem to stop her from sharing one of my gourmet salmon treats last week! Yes, I caught her sneaking a bite. Hoomans, here’s a hot tip: if it’s good enough for your dog, it’s good enough for you.

The Importance of Treat Logic™

Dogs have this concept we call Treat Logic™. It’s simple, really. When you find something that makes you insanely happy, you savour it, whether it’s a tasty morsel, a belly rub, or a few glorious minutes chasing a squeaky toy. Life’s short; treats make it better. You don’t see me counting calories before I nab a cheese cube off the counter (sorry, not sorry).

So why are you hoomans so obsessed with taking the fun out of snacking? Just once, I’d love to see you dive into a real treat with the same enthusiasm I have when someone offers me a meaty bone. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

My Final Woof of Wisdom

At the end of the day, hoomans, snacks are supposed to bring joy. If your idea of a treat leaves you whispering “meh” instead of shouting “yum,” it’s time to rethink your snack game. Join us dogs in celebrating the art of unapologetic snacking. Life is better with treats worth drooling over.

So, toss those sorry rice cakes in the bin and grab yourself something truly satisfying. Or better yet, grab two, and share with your favourite pup (hint: that’s me). Because snacks, my dear hoomans, should be a tail-wagging occasion.

Paws and crumbs,

Thor 🐾