The Rottie Rulebook Things I Wish My Hooman Knew

Hoomans, let’s be real—sometimes, you’re a bit… well, clueless when it comes to understanding us furry legends. Don’t get me wrong, we love you just the way you are—your opposable thumbs are handy for throwing our toys, opening treat bags, and giving scratchies. But there are a few things I, Thor the Rottweiler, wish you’d pick up on. So, here’s my rulebook. Take notes, okay?

Rule #1: Treat Logic Is Life

Let’s get this one sorted first because, frankly, it’s the most important thing. Treats aren’t just snacks. They’re currency. They’re love. They’re the spicy motivation that gets us to “sit,” “paw,” or stop staring longingly at your plate. Don’t believe me? Grab a pack of Healthy Training Dog Treats and watch us transform into obedient angels. You’ve been warned—our tail wags will go into overdrive.

Rule #2: Not All Toys Are Created Equal

You know that box of toys you bought last Christmas? Half of them were a flop. (Sorry, but it’s true.) We’re not asking for something that lasts forever; we’re asking for something worth an epic chew sesh. One great suggestion? A Durable Dog Chew Toy. It’s chaseable for zoomies, chewable for snack breaks, and even great for tug-of-war. Perfection, right? Also, quick question: Why do you hoomans think we want squeaky toys at 3 a.m.? They’re for *you*, not us. Just saying.

Rule #3: Belly Rubs > Everything Else

Hoomans think they’re busy. Newsflash! Nothing is as important as giving your doggo a good ol’ belly scratch. It’s like hitting the jackpot every time. Got deadlines? A meeting? Forget all of that. I’ll even guide your hand with my snoot. Oh, and if you’re on the floor rubbing my belly, you’re fair game for face licking. No complaints, please—it’s just the law.

Rule #4: Exercise Is a Group Activity

You call it “exercise,” but it’s really just playtime with extra steps. Whether we’re chasing sticks, rolling in grass, or loving life at the dog park, we’re happiest when you tag along. Bonus points if you bring toys like a Dog Ball Launcher. It saves your arms, and I get to run crazy distances. It’s a win-win! Let’s be honest though, sometimes YOU need encouragement to get active. Don’t worry, I’ll be your personal trainer. My motivational technique is barking at you until you cave. Effective, right?

Rule #5: Nap Time Is Sacred

Why you hoomans don’t nap is beyond me. You look tired 24/7. Take it from me—a professional snoozer—naps should be scheduled, comfy, and frequent. Of course, I’ll need something worthy of royalty, like a Plush Orthopaedic Dog Bed. Trust me, it’s way better than that lumpy cushion you threw in the corner. And, yes, if you catch me snoring, it’s part of the charm.

Rule #6: Never Eat Alone

If you’re eating, and I’m not eating, something is terribly wrong. We smell EVERYTHING, so please don’t pretend we can’t tell that you’re munching on some heavenly snack. Honestly, all we’re asking for is a nibble. A crumb. A teensy-weensy bite. If you’re feeling fancy, grab something hooman-friendly AND doggo-safe, so we can share a moment. It’s bonding time, people! **Bonus Rottie Pro Tip:** Always double-check your food before walking away. What? I thought you left it out *for me.*

Rule #7: Love Us, Quirks and All

Listen, we’re not perfect. We shed, we snore, and we may accidentally knock over a vase or two (okay, three). But we love you with every wag of our tails and would defend you from a squirrel invasion without hesitation. All we ask is that you love us for who we are. And if you must correct us for “chewing something we shouldn’t have,” please remember—we’re dogs. It’s in the DNA. A quick cuddle afterward wouldn’t hurt either.

Final Thoughts from Thor

Hoomans, you overcomplicate things. Our needs are simple: belly rubs, tasty treats, cool toys, and unconditional love. Follow these rules, and we’ll be the happiest floofs in the world. Remember, we’re not just pets—we’re family. (And, if it’s not too much trouble, can we have *two* bedtime kisses instead of one?) Now, go forth, apply the Rottie Rulebook, and make your furry companion’s tail wag like crazy. Thanks for stopping by Thor’s Paw-some Blog. Catch you next time, legends! High paw, Thor 🐾