The Day I Battled Mum's Black DEEBOT—and Lost

It started as any other day in my realm, also known as the living room. The sun cut through the blinds, perfectly highlighting my favourite nap spot. My tail wagged lazily as I prepared for another session of important Rottweiler duties: guardian of the snacks and king of the couch. Little did I know, my arch-nemesis was about to invade my turf—the sinister black beast Mum calls the "DEEBOT."

It happened without warning. One moment, all was calm. The next, I heard it—a mechanical growl rising from the corner where the DEEBOT lay dormant. My ears perked up, and I shot a look at Mum. Surely, she wouldn’t unleash it. Surely, it was a mistake!

But no, hoomans love their chaos. Mum pressed the button, and the black circle of doom came to life. It swerved left. It swerved right. It beeped, as if mocking me. And then—oh no—it started gliding towards me. My nap spot! My sanctuary! The audacity!

There’s a moment in every dog’s life when we must choose: flight or fight. Naturally, I chose to fight. I leapt off the couch, landing squarely in the DEEBOT’s path. My hackles were raised, my tail stiff—a gladiator preparing for battle. The hoomans might have thought I was "making a scene." But trust me, this was a matter of principle. My kingdom was under attack!

The Epic Duel

As the DEEBOT buzzed closer, I lowered myself into a defensive crouch. Paws gripping the floor, I let out a warning bark. "Stay back, you evil disk of doom!" It didn’t listen. No, it just kept creeping forward, its tiny, spinning bristles daring to clean the very spot I had claimed as my own.

I pounced. My paws landed on its smooth, circular surface, and for a moment, I felt victorious. "I’ve conquered you!" I thought. But then it spun beneath me, slipping away like a slimy fish. The battle was far from over.

We danced around the room in a dramatic spectacle. The DEEBOT zigged; I zagged. At one point, it slid under the coffee table, and I barked triumphantly, thinking I’d scared it off. But no, it returned, braver and more determined than before. I dodged, barked, and even tried nibbling its edge. But biting machines is not as satisfying as biting squeaky toys. Just saying.

The Moment of Defeat

At some point—don’t ask me when—I realised something alarming. The DEEBOT wasn’t fighting back. Oh no, its strategy was far more sinister. It ignored me entirely. Ignored me! As if I, Thor the Mighty Rottweiler, was no more intimidating than the pile of dust it had just sucked up.

The final insult came when Mum decided to intervene. "Thor, stop barking at the vacuum," she said, laughing. Laughing! She picked up the DEEBOT and set it back on its charging station. Just like that, the battle was over. My nemesis was defeated—not by my bravery, but by a hooman hand. Talk about anti-climactic.

As I slumped back into my nap spot, tail drooping just slightly, I reflected on the day’s events. Some battles, it seems, are unwinnable. And some opponents—like soulless, floor-cleaning robots—aren’t worth the effort. But you know what? That DEEBOT doesn’t have a wagging tail, a love for treats, or hoomans who think it’s adorable even when it drools on the carpet. So really, who’s the true winner here?

Spoiler alert: It’s me. Always me.

Thor’s Final Paw-Thoughts

You hoomans might see a robot vacuum as a helpful gadget, but trust me, from a dog’s perspective, it’s nothing short of black magic on wheels. Still, it’s not a match for the love and loyalty I bring to this house. As for the DEEBOT? I’ll begrudgingly allow it to coexist in my kingdom—for now.

Next time it dares to move without warning, though, I’m doubling down. Anyone know if they make chew-proof vacuums?

Until our next tail-tastic adventure, keep your snacks nearby and your vacuums far, far away.

I see you hiding in your chubby robot, there will be a rematch!

Watch yourself 
Thor