Apple Health won’t say it—but your dog just torched more calories than you today

Why a Leash Beats a Dumbbell Every Time

Your dog’s tail-wagging energy might just be the fitness coach you never knew you needed

Apple Health doesn’t tell you this—

If you’ve got a powerful pair of paws pacing at the door each morning, you’re already halfway to a better body and a bigger smile. You just traded expensive gym fees for slobbery motivation and spontaneous cardio.

Hard Truth: Your Dog’s Got Higher Daily Steps Than You

You know it’s true. They’re beating you at the step count game, and they don’t even wear a smartwatch. While hoomans browse gym memberships and fancy activewear, dogs are out here living the fitness dream—barefoot, tail out, clocking serious cardio chasing birds, balls, and occasionally their own tails.

I, Thor the Rottie, am telling you straight: skip that crowded treadmill. Let me lead you on a walk that smells like adventure and sometimes fox poo. Real talk—it works.

The Pre-Walk Struggle (You Know the One)

You’re on the couch, binge-watching some show for the 5th time, surrounded by snack crumbs and guilt. I’m pacing in front of the door, laser-eyed, muscles rippling like a canine sports car. The leash jingles. Boom. There’s your motivation.

That moment right there? That’s the shift from slothy potato to walking proud. Happens every time. You just needed four legs and a tail to pull you off your butt.

Hooman Fitness, Doggy Style

Here’s why your dog—yes, me—is better than a personal trainer:

• We don’t accept excuses. Rain, wind, full moon—we’re going walking.
• We track progress by how muddy your shoes get. The higher the splatter, the stronger your glutes.
• Overhead press? Try lifting a 30kg Rottie off your lap every night. Gains, hooman. Gains.
• HIIT Training = Rabbit Springs Walk, jog, STOP—Rabbit BURST! You think CrossFit is explosive?

Science Bark-Up: Why Dog Walks Actually Work

Research from the University of Liverpool (yes, I can read... kind of) showed that dog owners are four times more likely to meet physical activity guidelines. You’re not just walking. You’re moving with purpose. Plus, we’re judging from behind—gotta keep that hustle clean.

Common Excuses, and Why They’re Rubbish

• I’m tired: So is your dog—because you didn’t walk us yesterday.
• It’s too cold: Our ancestors pulled sleds. You can wear a jacket.
• I don’t have time: Cancel one doom scroll session and go sniff a gumtree with me.
• But I need a fitness plan: We have one! It’s called: “Follow the Dog.”

The New Routine: Ditch the Gym, Grab the Leash

You used to chase fitness goals. Now you're chasing a tail furiously zigzagging through the paddock. Welcome to the new workout model—designed by me, powered by paws, and fuelled by kangaroo jerky at rest stops.

No monthly plans. No mirrors. No ‘leg day’. Just fresh air, fast steps, and the occasional slow-drag through long grass while I roll like a log. You’re welcome.

This Isn’t Just Exercise—It’s Bonding with Bonuses

Every walk is a trust fall, every hike a shared challenge. These aren’t “workouts”—they’re pack rituals. You tone your muscles. We deepen our bond. And you get way more serotonin from my tongue licks than any cold-pressed green juice.

Better health, daily wag time, and zero gym mirrors? That’s the kind of fitness plan we dogs can get behind.

Now leash up, hooman. Your trainer’s drooling and ready.

Stay muddy, stay moving — Thor 🐾

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