10 Rottie Rules Every Hooman Fails (Sorry Not Sorry)
Why Every Commandment Starts With a Head Tilt (and Ends With My Paw on Your Heart)
Petstock knows it. Cesar Millan knows it. Heck, even your chew-proof couch knows it: Rotties have rules. And for reasons I simply can’t sniff out, you hoomans keep breaking them!
If you’ve ever had your socks stolen mid-walk, your lunch claimed during a bathroom break, or your personal space lovingly invaded at 6 a.m.—congratulations, you’ve already failed Rule #3 spectacularly. But don’t worry, we’re keeping score... with tail wags.
Before: You thought you had control.
After: You’re apologising to a 50kg cuddle beast for not fluffing his bed properly.
Here’s what this means:
We Rotties are noble, powerful, snuggly enigmas—and our secret code isn’t just about who gets the front seat. It’s how we teach you to love deeper, play louder, and surrender to the glorious chaos of life with a working dog. 🐾
🚨 The 10 Rottie Rules Every Hooman Fails (Sorry Not Sorry) 🚨
1. Thou shalt not shut the bathroom door
Privacy is an illusion you gave up the day you brought me home. You shut the door; I paw it open. You close it again; I sit outside dramatically like it's a betrayal of our bond. Who’s being unreasonable? (Hint: not me.)
2. Thou shalt respect the Treat Protocol
If I sit, stay, spin, and give you the “I-was-starved-in-a-past-life” look—you give the treat. Immediately. No fake-outs. No “good boy” with empty hands. That’s emotional manipulation, Karen.
3. Thou shalt not eat in front of me without sharing
Look, I sniffed it. Therefore, it’s mine. That’s how our ancestors worked it out in the wild. Sharing is caring, and if you’re enjoying chicken schnitty while I feast on kibble... consider our trust issues justified.
4. Thou shalt surrender furniture without question
That is no longer your side of the couch. It is my nap throne. Did I pay for it? No. Did I flatten the cushion into the perfect sleep crater? Absolutely. You may sit on the floor like the peasant you are.
5. Thou shalt not confuse ‘walk’ with ‘drag me to oblivion’
When I say walkies, I mean sniff, stare, strut, and possibly parkour across uneven terrain. It is an artform. You dragging me off the tantalising scent of mystery possum? That’s unforgivable.
6. Thou shalt brush me only when I’m in the mood
Ah yes, the ancient ritual: You, lovingly brushing me. Me, tolerating it for five seconds before flopping onto my side like a Victorian widow. Touch not the belly fluff unless invited.
7. Thou shalt never whisper the ‘B-word’ unless it’s real
We need to talk about ‘ball.’ You don’t say it unless it’s launch-ready. This isn’t a drill. False alarms will destroy what little trust we have left after The Great Vet Visit of 2020.
8. Thou shalt obey the sacred nap schedule
I nap. You remain still. Vacuuming while I nap? Disrespectful. Leaving the room mid-cuddle? Blasphemy. My REM cycles control this household now. Shhh. Respect the snore.
9. Thou shalt accept mud as a lifestyle
I didn’t choose the muddy life. The muddy life chose me. If I track it through the house, it’s not sabotage—it’s interior design. Think of it as earthy ambiance. You’re welcome.
10. Thou shalt love me when I’m stubborn, silly, or smelly
This final one’s the easiest to forget—and the most important to remember. You signed up for more than guarding and games. You signed up for head nudges at 3 a.m., dramatic sighs during thunderstorms, and loyalty that could move mountains. In return—love us loud. Always.
So What's the Real Rule Behind All These Rules?
You might think these are just cheeky demands from a spoiled Rottie (well, yes), but here’s the gut truth: Life with a Rottweiler isn’t about obedience—it’s about connection. These rules? They’re our way of nudging you into a deeper bond. An epic, slobber-coated, soul-level friendship.
Used to think dogs needed training? Now you know we’re lovingly training you right back. 😉
Treats and belly rubs,
Thor 🐾
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